BOOM PIG

My son loves that song.  Since I saw it on 365 Days of Bacon, he’s been singing it non-stop.  BOOM PIG

I love bacon.  So much.  So much that today, when I was speaking at the Women’s Small Business Program on the Graduate Panel, my friend and the organizer of the class told everyone that I’m bacon crazy.  So it inspired me to make tonights entire meal with bacon.

IMG_0096First the chicken wings:  I made a marinade/glaze out of almost paleo bbq sauce, honey, bacon fat and water.  It was crazy good.

Second the coleslaw:  I may have invented baconnaise tonight.  I started with the nomnompaleo.com recipe for macadamia nut mayo and since I didn’t have any lemons, I subbed with a lime, I didn’t have any dijon mustard so I used yellow and a splash of my maple mustard salad dressing, I used apple cider vinegar instead of plain, and then I realized I was out of macadamia nut oil too…  I grabbed olive oil, walnut oil and some more bacon fat (I keep a container of it in the fridge).  SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!  I almost wanted to eat it with a spoon!!

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Side note…  Grocery shopping on Sundays is not the best for fresh produce.  I had to buy a bag of shredded coleslaw mix cause they were all out of real cabbage.  FAIL.  Then I made the coleslaw recipe from Anna Nimmity with extra bacon and chopped macintosh apples.  YUMMO.

Lastly, the sweet potato fries:  I plopped them on the pan I cooked the bacon in (if you’re not cooking your bacon in your oven, you’re working too hard!!) and slathered them with some more bacon fat and then sprinkled them with salt and pepper and paprika.  WHAT THE DUECE??  Made a little maple/honey/mustard dipping sauce and voila!

The meal made me feel better for missing bacon this morning.  I was so nervous for my talk at the class that I skipped breakfast, just my morning latte…  and then right before the class was sooo hungry had to run and grab something from City Market.  I was pleasantly surprised to find their egg salad was local cage-free eggs!  And I thought I’d try a muffin from West Meadow Farm Bakery as I’ve had their brownies before and they were amazing, so muffin, yeah.  It was a good ‘on the go’ & ‘best you can’ meal I could do.  But no bacon, so I was sad.  🙂  Just kidding.  Well, only a little.

It’s gooder for you…

I saw this post on Facebook a few days ago and nearly died…

bacon buttered crispy bars

I was seriously considering making them as described, but I knew that would send me into some sort of shock from the crazy deliciousness of it all.  I remember my neighbor mentioning last weekend during our campfire that we could make our own marshmallows so I googled Paleo Marshmallows and got this new blog on my bookmark list…

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and then I subbed out most of the other ingredients for this almost Paleo friendly version of this crazy delicious treat.  As I told Big Dude’s coworkers when I delivered them today to his office, “They’re gooder for you.  I healthified them.”  They laughed until they were kissing my feet at the sheer deliciousness of this crazy amazing creation.

photo-4Here’s the revised recipe:  Next time, I’ll try it with chopped nuts instead of the rice cereal to make it more Paleo.

1 lb of Bacon (or more)
2 lb of DARK chocolate (I had lots leftover, dip fruit in the remainder of the chocolate)
3 tablespoons of ghee or grass fed butter.
6 cups of marshmallows from honey recipe posted above.
6 cups of Organic Brown Rice Cereal (little/no sugar)
1 1/2 cups of softened creamy almond butter

Begin by placing the Bacon in the freezer for 15-20 minutes. Once chilled, dice the Bacon in to bit sized. Pan fry the Bacon in small handfuls over medium low flame. Once crispy golden, place the bits on a paper towel and allow them to cool.

Now cooled, toss 3/4 of the Bacon bits with 6 cups of rice cereal and 1 cup of mini marshmallows.

Using a double boiler, melt town 5 cups of mini marshmallows with 3 tablespoons of ghee/butter. Once melted, fold in 1 cup of softened almond butter. Next, pour the almond butter marshmallows over the dry ingredients. Fold gently until everything is coated evenly.

Line a 10 X 10 or 10 X 12 cake pan with parchment paper. Fill the cake pans with the mixture, then cover the top with more parchment paper. Use your hands to flatten out the top creating an even level.

Place in the refrigerator for 1 hour to set.

While that’s setting, place the Bacon bits in a large bag. Pound it out, flipping the bag over at least twice, creating an even Bacon crumble.

After the hour has elapsed, uncover and square the hardened mixture in to even pieces. Melt down 1 pound of chocolate. Dip the bottoms of each square in the melted chocolate. Space them out on a parchment paper lined cookie sheet, chocolate side down, and let them set in the refrigerator for 1 hour.

After the hour is up, melt down the other pound of chocolate. Once tempered, heavily drizzle the chocolate over each individual square. The chocolate will act as a binder for the Bacon crumble.

Take 1/2 a cup of almond butter and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. Mix, then put it on for another 30 seconds until it’s soft and smooth. Transfer to a plastic bag and cut the tip off and drizzle all over the bars.

Generously top each square with lots and lots and lots of the Bacon crumble.

Let them set outside of the refrigerator for 2 hours, or 1 hour in the refrigerator.

Best served at room temperature, they’re meltier that way.  🙂

Mambo (Mango / Gumbo) Get it?

Mangos are hard to find in Vermont.  Especially Red Mangos.  So when I saw them on display in Hannaford today, I almost cried!!  I grabbed 2.  In hindsight, I should have gotten like 6, seeing as how I ate one whole one as soon as I got home.  My precious…

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Just looking at the picture makes me want to go eat the other one right now.  Good thing I’m going to be out near that Hannaford tomorrow morning.  Oh yeah.  Don’t tell me if there’s something wrong with my mangos.  I don’t wanna know.

I made gumbo for dinner for me and hot dogs again for Little Dude.  Except he did eat the andouille sausage out of my gumbo.  At least he left me the shrimps.  The sausage was extra spicy this batch!  And he gave me a piece of bacon.  Isn’t he sweet?

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After dinner, homework and all that jazz Dude wanted to watch Diary of a Wimpy Kid again.  Although they are funny, once is enough.  So I retreated to my office and watched some The Only Way is Essex.  If you like trashy TV like I do, you will love this one.  It’s the British version of Housewives + Snooki & Jwoww + I don’t know what.  Anyway, then I got a hankering for a milkshake.  Then my mind ran away with me.  I wanted a McDonalds Shamrock Shake.  But that’s gross.  I don’t do Golden Arches anymore.  Googled Paleo Shamrock Shake.  Yes I did.  Found and made this one.

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Dude tried it.  Said not bad.  Then he read the recipe that I left on the counter.  He grabbed his throat and claimed I tried to kill him by letting him eat avocado.  He doesn’t like avocado.  Mom Fail.  Note to self.  Hide the recipe.

Blogger Fail

Apparently I’m a giant slacker on posting this week! Nor have I been super awesome at taking photos of my foods! I have no idea what I ate all week… But here’s what I do remember…

I made this cartoon…

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I was at a meeting this week where someone had just gotten back from Bethlehem, PA where Peeps are made. You, know those nasty little marshmallow chicks and bunnies that are sold by the ton around Easter time?

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Yah, those. Well, they saw this thing where they put 2 peeps in the microwave and fashion them with little swords. Then when the nuker gets going the Peeps grow and grow and eventually one of the Peeps stabs the other one and it deflates or something. Seriously, they paid money to see this. What the deuce??

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But honestly, I almost want to go buy some of the disgusting little devils and try it out! but I can’t bring myself to do it. Yet… If I do, I promise to make a video and post it. But don’t hold your breathe. In the mean time, I’ll continue to make Peep Show jokes…

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Bow Chica Wow Wow…

Thursday night I made bacon burgers (grind up raw bacon in your food processor or meat grinder and add it to the raw burger, sauté up some mushrooms, garlic and spinach and mush that in there too, then grill) and some guacamole. Add bacon and viola!

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Had a hankering for something sweet and came across this recipe for Chocolate Coffee Caramel Bars and had all the ingredients so I gave it a shot. I jacked the caramel a little and added some maple syrup, cut out the water and halved the coconut milk to make it a little gooeyier.

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I love Juli and her blog. Her stuff is amazeballs. If I meet her one day, I might have to kiss her. These bars were like heaven in my mouth. Huge thumbs up. I ate it watching Archer. Have you seen Archer? It’s the deuce. Netflix it. Or whatever. It’s on F/X Thursdays at 10.

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This week there was a dog that looked like my Polly Pocket Puppy. And by the looks of it, acts and smells like her too. HA. Plus, Archer is hot. For a cartoon anyway.
One other thing I made this week, last night actually, was this Black Bottom Banana Cream Pie. I had a couple of bananas that needed using and was going to a friends house for a girls night and wanted to bring something for dessert. Well, really I had nothing to bring for appetizers without going to the grocery store, but whatevs. It took longer than I thought it would to make and make I messed it up somehow, because the custardy top didn’t set up right, so it was a sloppy mess, but I just topped it with my coconut whipped cream and it was fine! Better than fine. It was good!

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That’s about all I remember. I’ll try to do better this week. 😉

Happy Pi Day!!

pie

Ok.  I killed it tonight.  Seriously.  I am amazed with myself even.  I saw on Facebook earlier today that today is Pi Day.  So of course my mind started racing to think of a Paleo Pie to make.  After searching for a while for something amazing, I just wasn’t finding anything that sounded good.  Then I remembered the Paul Newman Pecan Pie recipe that I adapted a few years ago to get rid of corn syrup in Pecan Pie and I thought there must be something that I can do to substitue for the brown sugar as well…  Dates?  He!! yah!

Pecan Pie

I kid you not.  This was as good as any pecan pie I’ve ever made before.  My BFF KK’s daughter had a piece and made all the appropriate noises.

Because I love you and trust you, I am sharing the recipe with you.  You’re welcome.

Paleo-ish Pecan Pie
 
CRUST
1/3 cup almond flour
1/3 cup coconut flour
2 T arrowroot powder
1/4 t salt
1/3 cup coconut oil
2-3 T cold water as needed
 
combine all items except water in food processor, gradually add water until balls form.  Press into pie plate.  Bake at 350 for up to 10 minutes until slightly toasty brown.  Set aside to cool and then freeze until filling is ready.
 
FILLING (part 1)

1 cup maple syrup (darker the better)

3/4 cup packed medjool dates (pulse them in a food processor until a ball forms)
1/4 cup Ghee or Grass Fed Butter
 
Blend syrup, dates, and ghee/butter in medium saucepan with a stick blender over medium heat until smooth. Increase heat and boil 1 minute. Cool to lukewarm, about 45 minutes.
 
FILLING (part 2)
3 eggs
1 t vanilla
1/4 t salt
1 1/2 cups pecan halves
 
Whisk eggs, vanilla and salt in medium bowl to blend. Gradually whisk maple syrup mixture into egg mixture. Stir in pecan halves.
 
Pour filling into crust. Bake pie at 350 until filling is slightly puffed around edges and center is set, about 55 minutes. Cool pie completely on rack, or not…  ENJOY!
I was totally going to put bacon in it too, but I forgot.  I will next time.  Promise.

Berry Good Day!

I was crazy busy today, didn’t really have time to think about what’s for dinner until it was dinner time.  I had some chicken, I had some bacon, I had some herbs, and I had some kale.  That was about it.  It’s time to go to shopping…

VOILA!

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Nothing too snazzy, but it worked and it tasted good!  Then I needed something sweet.  I had some strawberries and some coconut whipped cream in my iSi whipping thingy, all I needed were some biscuits.  I looked around for some recipes but most were all almond flour and I really prefer to use coconut flour.  So I adapted…

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They were a little dry, maybe more oil next time.  But here’s the recipe for you.

Toss 1 lb sliced strawberries with 1-2 Tbsp honey, cover and refridgerate.

Mix a can of coconut milk and a Tbsp of vanilla in an whipping canister and refridgerate.  (jst keep one in the fridge at all times!)

For the biscuits combine 1 1/2 cup almond flour, 1/2 cup coconut flour, 1/2 tsp baking soda and 1 tsp cinnamon with a pinch of nutmeg in a food processor.  Slowly add 3 Tbsp coconut oil until little balls form in the dough.  

In another bowl beat 2 eggs with 3 Tbsp honey and 1 tsp vanilla extract.

Slowly add egg mixture to flour mixture.  Once combined, make little patties with your hands and place on a parchment covered baking sheet.  Bake at 350 for +/- 10 minutes until golden brown.  

*my whipped cream didn’t come out looking as lovely as the last batch, but it still tasted good!

Sesame Street Cheat

The day started out great, I mean, I had every thing in my To Do list checked off by noon, great! Even ran the self clean mode on the oven with the windows open because it was 50 degrees in VT today! Had some yummo Gumbo leftovers for lunch, and then things started happening and adding to my list. My 2:00 appointment with a propane company for an inspection was a big fat fail, and then someone I’ve been trying to help out for a month told me to stick it where the sun don’t shine. Really?
I still got all my items checked off by the end of the day and made it to my 5:00 showing early and my 6:30 right on time to see my friend T dance her pretty little buns across the street. If I hadn’t been talking on the phone when I saw her, I totally would have recorded it.
I didn’t get home till after 8 and discovered My Dudes were naughty and didn’t eat leftovers or make something new and delish. They got Chinese food. They got me a small sesame chicken. I ate less than half and decided I’d rather eat the leftover creme brûlée. In the dark.

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Now it’s 11:15, my gut is in turmoil and I’m hungry again. Another cheat fail.

Sweatpants Sunday

I freaking hate the time change.  I think it should be outlawed.  I woke up at 8, but it was really 9 and then I was late.  I hate being late.  My Mom was coming to take Little Dude snowboarding and Dad was gonna hang out with me today.  Everything ended up fine and all on time, but man.  I hate that immediate feeling of doom because you’re late.

I think I ate half of this loaf of Paleo Banana Bread today.  I put in several handfuls of walnuts and some deep dark chocolate chips.  It was AMAZEBALLS!  And maybe I had a couple extra shots of espresso.  It was a good day.

Dad and I hung out, talked and watched some Archer and The Americans.  Both are stellar shows.  When he took a nap I made the Gumbo with 2 lbs of shrimp, andouille sausage and sweet Italian sausage, extra veggies, spinach, and the Cauliflower rice.  I also made a side of Paleo Garlic Bread.  I don’t know what I did wrong, but the consistency was all wrong and it was more like drop biscuits.  No worries, they were still delish.  I think I’m gonna try to make a pizza dough out of it this week sometime.  Maybe fill it like a calzone?

Oh, and since the creme brûlée wasn’t ready last night, I served it up tonight after the Gumbo.  I can’t post a recipe, cause I kinda mixed a couple different ones together, but it was solo good.  Actually, I’ll try to recreate the recipe this week sometime.  My bro and his GF are coming to visit.  If I nail it, I’ll post it.  Anyway, it was awesome.

Sugar and spice (not refined sugar you ninny, who do you think I am?)

I actually woke up before 7 on purpose today! I had to go bust down a door before a meeting at 9:30 and take some pics of my newest upcoming listing. Guess what?! It has orange shag carpeting and blue toilets. I’m psyched!!

After I got home and uploaded my photos and did some work, I Googled “Paleo sausage shrimp”, cause that’s what I need to use for dinner and I came across this Gumbo recipe on PaleoOMG and I was like OMG! 😉

And then seriously like 2 minutes later I got an email from nom nom paleo that there was a new blog up, so of course I read it and there was another mention of these Mexican Chocolate Pots de Creme, so of course I read that too. And so it was decided it was Sugar and Spice night.

I didn’t have all the ingredients for the gumbo, so I improvised, but im pleased to report that it was surprisingly easy. More so than the curry I think. And I made the dessert during the simmer times of the dinner. Oh, the gumbo called for a cup and a half of shrimps… I used a 2 lb bag of prawns. I also used that chicken sausage from Costco instead of Andouille and 1/2 lb Mckenzie Ground Sausage instead of the shredded pork. My cauliflower had turned so I skipped that. Put it in the crockpot to keep warm till dinner and went to pick up Little Dude and a friend to go to Petra Cliffs. When we got back the house smelled so amazingly rich with spices I couldn’t wait to dig in!

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Hindsight, I should have added spinach or kale for more volume. No matter, it kicked A$$!! I ate 2 bowls. The only reason I didn’t have a 3rd was dessert.

A note about the dessert, don’t leave it unattended. Mine may have boiled for a minute but it still came out wonderful. I didn’t use her whipped cream recipe though because I just got this iSi whip thing and had a can of coconut milk and a tablespoon of vanilla already chillin, so I gave that a whirl. Holy whipped coconut Batman! I’m in love. It was like a spicy chocolate mousse. I’ll be honest, when I spilled a little during the pour, I totally licked the counter.

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Liz Lovely I’m in love with you.

Today is the Mardi Gras Parade in BTV and I have the day all to myself!!  Big Dude and Little Dude are at the parade with Grandpa and I get to do whatever I wants to do, which absolutely positively has nothing to do with watching a parade and especially not in 30 degree weather.  So I hung out, made myself a Latte with Almond Milk (or 4), made a little breakyfast,

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had a leisurely morning, went to check out a new listing in Essex and decided to get my hair cut on a whim.  I’m not kidding, it’s been like a year since I had my hair cut.  I needed it.  So I Googled salons in Essex and came across Purple Sage Salon and Kristin had an opening in 15 minutes.  YES PLEASE!!  I think she did a great job!

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And, lucky me, the salon is in the same plaza as Sweet Clover Market and I was in the mood for some pulled pork.  I kid you not, theirs is really unfreakingbelievable.  Plus they will serve it up with coleslaw and avacado on the side for less than a sandwich.  Yah buddy.  They only looked at me funny the first time I ordered it that way.  As I was waiting for my delish lunch to be pop up on the counter, I looked around at the racks near the deli and I saw these cookies, and I sighed.  And then I saw THESE COOKIES!!  And I swear, I did a little dance.  Vegan and gluten free??  Chocolate and mint??  Hello heaven… if only they taste just even a little bit good, I can die happy.  So before you call me out, yes, I know they’re still not Paleo.  But really, I’m sure the BBQ sauce in the pork and the slaw dressing aren’t Paleo either and frankly, if I’m cheating, this is a damn good cheat.  Better than the cheesesteaks and cheesecake I could have gotten.  Ohhh cheesecake…  So yeah, back to the cookies.  I almost didn’t eat my lunch and just at the cookies, but I was really excited about the pulled pork too.  When I finally got to the cookies, it was better than I could have imagined.  Really.  I said out loud, shut the front door.  And then I drove to my friend Beth’s work so I could give her the 2nd cookies so I wouldn’t eat both in one sitting.  Cause they’re really huge.  One serving is a 1/2 cookie.  And I already at a whole cookie.  But so worth it.  I now have a girl crush on Liz Lovely.  I want to go cook with her.  Except that she’s vegan.  I need meat.  But I could maybe skip it for one meal…

Oh, cool factor, when I Googled the website for Liz Lovely, one of the suggestions was “Liz Lovely Shark Tank”!  She was on Shark Tank!!  How cool is that??  Represent VT!!  Yea, I’m a dork.