it all started with whey…

For some really stupid reason that I do not understand I decided to put some protein powder in my smoothie today. I knew it was whey protein. But I knew I needed some protein. But I am allergic to whey. This was a bad decision that then catapulted every other decision I made today into crazy town.
I went to an appointment and then decided to skip my next 3 stops and go to the car dealer to see about turning my leased car in sooner than August, which I can’t do without a metric sh*t ton of fees.
I checked my voicemail and heard that my office heads were having a pizza lunch for all our admin today at noon, so obvi, I decided to skip my noon appointment and go eat pizza, oh and of course I should bring cake. 3 cakes to be exact. Cause one would certainly not be enough. And I ate 3 slices of pizza and a slice of each cake. Yup. Red velvet with cream cheese frosting, lemon creme and strawberry shortcake. What’s that about being allergic to whey? Oh nothing, never mind, I’m fine, I got this. Insert stomach gurgle and carb crash here…
I came home to do some work and my sister in law stopped over and I decided hanging out with her was more fun than working. It was. But I should have been working.
I started a mini-fight with Big Dude. Rectified and all is well, but unnecessary.
Had dinner with the neighbors. Pizza and cheesecake. 2 pieces of pizza and 3 pieces of cheesecake.
And now I sit watching The Vampire Diaries with a gurgly stomach wondering where it all went wrong and realize its all the smoothies fault for not being bacon.

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WARNING, this blog contains explicit language

Sometimes I impress myself. Dinner tonight was beyond faboo. But first, a little story…
I was on the phone with my BFF Kaye (a trained chef) while I was making dinner. I kept tasting the sauces I was making to accompany my coconut shrimp and she was in hysterics listening to my running commentary of what I was doing and how awesome it was. I don’t know about you, but when I’m in the zone, whether it be cooking, playing a sport or even playing Candy Crush, I get über in to it and apparently I don’t stop taking smack, even if it is only to myself. Some if the things that came out of my mouth while cooking were…
What the f*ck is that supposed to be? That’s not right.
Oh deuce bombs! That’s the tits!!
F*ck balls, I’m amazing.
This is so good I want to drink it. No, I want to take a bath in it. I don’t care if its sticky.
Bitches be nothing but hoes and tricks and this sauce is amazeballs.
Obviously, there’s something wrong with me. I apologize if this offends anyone, but not really.
At least I entertained Kaye for 20 minutes. And have no idea what amounts I put in those sauces, but one was piña colada and the other was mango. Both were the tits.
End result…

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I really need new plates. Apparently mine are all chipped.

Girl Code starts on MTV tonight. I love trying out new trashy tv shows. I need to DVR it though. I’m exhausted. Talking smack wears me out. So does driving all day. I went to Stowe to check out some work done on one of my listings and found this…

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Yup, that deer head is smirking. I almost took it. Almost.

Difficult

Ha! From that title it sounds like this is going to be bad. It’s not. Well…  I mean I’m difficult. I’m stubborn. I’m a control freak. I’m special like that. So making the decision to hire an assistant for my Real Estate business was difficult, and long overdue. There are a lot of non-money making tasks in my business and some of them are the more enjoyable tasks.  Like going to a foreclosure property for the first time and breaking in and checking out the damages.  Yah, I know, I’m twisted like that.  But I really don’t need to spend a day a week in the car all day driving around taking photos of all my listings, going to town clerks offices and the like.  So while I might be missing out on a little fun and excitement, I know there are better ways for me to spend my working hours.  Now, having made that decision, I feel so much better!  I might actually get a day a week back in my life!!

Another thing about me…  I’m a hoarder.  Kind of.  I cleaned out my pantry of all the junk food, processed food, chips, crackers, etc… kind of a long time ago.  All that food has been sitting in a bag waiting to go to the Food shelf.  I also cleaned out Little Dude’s closet a little while ago (read months) and the clothes have been sitting in a bag ready to go to the clothing bins.  I actually put them in the car on Sunday.  I finally dropped them off today.  Had to flip a bitch to get to the big yellow bin that was at the diner in town here that I didn’t even know was there.  Again, difficult, but felt much better after having done it.

While on the road today, I got hungry, I didn’t pack anything to bring with me because, well, lets face it, dinner last night was not worth a repeat today for lunch.  So I stopped at Minor’s Store in Fairfax and asked for a Turkey Bacon Sub without the Sub.  The dude looked at me like I had 3 heads.  He said, we don’t do that.  Would you like a wrap?  I said no, I don’t eat bread or wraps.  If you give it to me, I’m just gonna throw it away, so I’d rather not take it.  Can you just put it in a salad container?  He said do you want a salad?  I said no, I want a sub.  But no bread.  It took 3 of them to figure it out.  I said to the dude, I just like being difficult.  Sorry.

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They nailed it.  The lettuce served as the perfect plate/for the rest of the goodies.  I’m sure it wasn’t all organic or free range, but it was the best I could do on the road.  The guy I was meeting for my next appt is Paleo too, so I showed him the picture.  He thought it was just as cool as I did.

Pork Chops can be difficult.  I hate to admit that previously I always used Shake and Bake to cook pork chops and served them with applesauce.  Lame and totally American.  Remember that Brady Bunch line?

So finding a new way to cook them has proved fun and exciting!!  I’ve found all sorts of recipes to try, but this one was at the top of my list now that I seem to be loving sweet potato.  I still had leftover biscuits and salad from last night and Big Dude cooked up some Asparagus, and I kid you not, even little dude at the chops (not the sweet mix on top, but the chops yes).  Big Dude and I made all sorts of noises eating it up.  I didn’t even have to eat something for dessert after.  Well, yet…  It’s only 7:15.

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Spring Fever

As you probably gathered by my previous couple posts, I’ve been in kind a rut lately.  After lunch with my BFF Nate today, I realized that it’s only Spring Fever.  Yesterday, it was 50 degrees and the sun was shining.  Today it was snowing, blowing and cold and gray.  Thanks Mother Nature.  HAHA April Fools.  I haven’t been trying new meals, desserts and baked goods yes of course, but not the real deal meals.  I had a new resolve.  Had a lovely salad bar, steak and steamed broccoli at The Windjammer for my lunch with my buddy man and then went off to Costco to fortify my fridge with plants, eggs, meats and the like.  $150 later and an hour later…  My truck was full of deliciousness.

I didn’t really have a plan in place except I knew I wanted to make these Bacon Chive Biscuits.  I threw together a Maple Mustard Balsamic Vinaigrette and used it to marinate the chicken and as a dressing for my tomato cucumber basil salad, I had a head of cabbage that needed using, so I googled “Paleo Coleslaw” and came up with this one, it had me at bacon…

Side note / side rant – what’s up with Pintrest?  I’m not on it.  Call me Old Fashioned (giggle) but I use Google.  I Google it and then bookmark it.  Everyone keeps asking me if I found it on Pintrest.  Do I need to know this?  For real??

Then I threw the chicken in the oven, made up the biscuits and sat down to play some Candy Crush.  I’m totally stuck on level 65.  Once the Dudes got home I put the biscuits in the oven and set to wait again.  Big Dude was talking on the phone when he came in and immediately opened the fridge and started taking the coleslaw out to try it.  To his credit he did offer me the first bite.  It was a hit!  He ate about 1/4 of the bowl while talking on the phone and I sat watching and laughing.

So this is the finished product…

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I will be honest and say the chicken was not very good.  I think it marinated too long.  And maybe I burned the biscuits a little.  Forgot to change the temp from 400 to 350.  But I’ll eat those for breakfast tomorrow with some bacon and eggs as suggested on the original blog!

I also tried to make sour gummy things, from this recipe, but they didn’t go over so well with the Little Dude.  I guess I’ll have to eat them…  I’ll try again some other time for him.

Now I’m off to snuggle that kiddo and watch some deliciously trashy TV.  Speaking of which, did you hear Shain from Buck Wild died yesterday?  I totally thought it was a really bad April Fools joke, but so far, it seems real.  Sad.  That was one of my favorite dirty little secret shows this past year.  It brought out my inner redneck.  RIP Shain.

Weekend Update

I took the weekend off from my computer.  I didn’t even check my email on my phone.  I just finished cleaning out my inbox.  It seriously took 2.5 hours.  More coffee please…

We also took the weekend off from Paleo – but not bacon…  Friday night Big Dude and I ate almost a whole deep dish pizza from Costco while catching up on The Americans and The Following.  Have you seen any of those things??  Let me just say, it was worth it.  And if you’re not watching either of those shows, I highly recommend both.  I even got my Dad into them while my parents were staying with us last time.  And I promise, I don’t just love The Following because Kevin Bacon is in it.  😉

Costco Pizza

Speaking of bacon… Have you seen this??  I’m really hoping it’s not an April Fools Joke.

If you see it, please let me know!  If it’s a joke, don’t tell me today.

My neighbor and new BFF Nicole is the manager of Klinger’s Bakery, and sometimes she brings us treats.  Saturday, she brought us a Blueberry Braid Coffee Cake.  I might have eaten 75% of it.  It was soooo good.  Between that and the workout I got at Petra Cliffs, I was out for the count in a serious carb crash from like 4-7 Saturday night.  I had to lie down in bed.  Not sure that one was a smart choice.  I finally got up and went to the store to get the rest of the ingredients for Brunch on Sunday around 8.  Came home with chicken wings for dinner.  I had no energy left to cook real food.

Sunday Brunch was amazing.  We had eggs, bacon, sausage, fruit salad, baked apple french toast and Bacon Coffee Cake with Bacon Caramel Glaze, adapted from this recipe and when I say adapted, I mean I screwed up the recipe somewhere and had to improvise… I forgot to take a pic of the initial meal, but here’s what I had for leftovers at lunch time.

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After that we took a trip to Lowe’s to check out patio paver, fire pits and furniture.  It sparked our fancy for a fire.

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We raided the construction dumpster a few doors down for the scrap wood and roasted hot dogs and s’mores for dinner.  Best Easter Ever.

Mambo (Mango / Gumbo) Get it?

Mangos are hard to find in Vermont.  Especially Red Mangos.  So when I saw them on display in Hannaford today, I almost cried!!  I grabbed 2.  In hindsight, I should have gotten like 6, seeing as how I ate one whole one as soon as I got home.  My precious…

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Just looking at the picture makes me want to go eat the other one right now.  Good thing I’m going to be out near that Hannaford tomorrow morning.  Oh yeah.  Don’t tell me if there’s something wrong with my mangos.  I don’t wanna know.

I made gumbo for dinner for me and hot dogs again for Little Dude.  Except he did eat the andouille sausage out of my gumbo.  At least he left me the shrimps.  The sausage was extra spicy this batch!  And he gave me a piece of bacon.  Isn’t he sweet?

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After dinner, homework and all that jazz Dude wanted to watch Diary of a Wimpy Kid again.  Although they are funny, once is enough.  So I retreated to my office and watched some The Only Way is Essex.  If you like trashy TV like I do, you will love this one.  It’s the British version of Housewives + Snooki & Jwoww + I don’t know what.  Anyway, then I got a hankering for a milkshake.  Then my mind ran away with me.  I wanted a McDonalds Shamrock Shake.  But that’s gross.  I don’t do Golden Arches anymore.  Googled Paleo Shamrock Shake.  Yes I did.  Found and made this one.

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Dude tried it.  Said not bad.  Then he read the recipe that I left on the counter.  He grabbed his throat and claimed I tried to kill him by letting him eat avocado.  He doesn’t like avocado.  Mom Fail.  Note to self.  Hide the recipe.

Blogger Fail

Apparently I’m a giant slacker on posting this week! Nor have I been super awesome at taking photos of my foods! I have no idea what I ate all week… But here’s what I do remember…

I made this cartoon…

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I was at a meeting this week where someone had just gotten back from Bethlehem, PA where Peeps are made. You, know those nasty little marshmallow chicks and bunnies that are sold by the ton around Easter time?

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Yah, those. Well, they saw this thing where they put 2 peeps in the microwave and fashion them with little swords. Then when the nuker gets going the Peeps grow and grow and eventually one of the Peeps stabs the other one and it deflates or something. Seriously, they paid money to see this. What the deuce??

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But honestly, I almost want to go buy some of the disgusting little devils and try it out! but I can’t bring myself to do it. Yet… If I do, I promise to make a video and post it. But don’t hold your breathe. In the mean time, I’ll continue to make Peep Show jokes…

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Bow Chica Wow Wow…

Thursday night I made bacon burgers (grind up raw bacon in your food processor or meat grinder and add it to the raw burger, sauté up some mushrooms, garlic and spinach and mush that in there too, then grill) and some guacamole. Add bacon and viola!

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Had a hankering for something sweet and came across this recipe for Chocolate Coffee Caramel Bars and had all the ingredients so I gave it a shot. I jacked the caramel a little and added some maple syrup, cut out the water and halved the coconut milk to make it a little gooeyier.

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I love Juli and her blog. Her stuff is amazeballs. If I meet her one day, I might have to kiss her. These bars were like heaven in my mouth. Huge thumbs up. I ate it watching Archer. Have you seen Archer? It’s the deuce. Netflix it. Or whatever. It’s on F/X Thursdays at 10.

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This week there was a dog that looked like my Polly Pocket Puppy. And by the looks of it, acts and smells like her too. HA. Plus, Archer is hot. For a cartoon anyway.
One other thing I made this week, last night actually, was this Black Bottom Banana Cream Pie. I had a couple of bananas that needed using and was going to a friends house for a girls night and wanted to bring something for dessert. Well, really I had nothing to bring for appetizers without going to the grocery store, but whatevs. It took longer than I thought it would to make and make I messed it up somehow, because the custardy top didn’t set up right, so it was a sloppy mess, but I just topped it with my coconut whipped cream and it was fine! Better than fine. It was good!

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That’s about all I remember. I’ll try to do better this week. 😉