WARNING, this blog contains explicit language

Sometimes I impress myself. Dinner tonight was beyond faboo. But first, a little story…
I was on the phone with my BFF Kaye (a trained chef) while I was making dinner. I kept tasting the sauces I was making to accompany my coconut shrimp and she was in hysterics listening to my running commentary of what I was doing and how awesome it was. I don’t know about you, but when I’m in the zone, whether it be cooking, playing a sport or even playing Candy Crush, I get über in to it and apparently I don’t stop taking smack, even if it is only to myself. Some if the things that came out of my mouth while cooking were…
What the f*ck is that supposed to be? That’s not right.
Oh deuce bombs! That’s the tits!!
F*ck balls, I’m amazing.
This is so good I want to drink it. No, I want to take a bath in it. I don’t care if its sticky.
Bitches be nothing but hoes and tricks and this sauce is amazeballs.
Obviously, there’s something wrong with me. I apologize if this offends anyone, but not really.
At least I entertained Kaye for 20 minutes. And have no idea what amounts I put in those sauces, but one was piña colada and the other was mango. Both were the tits.
End result…

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I really need new plates. Apparently mine are all chipped.

Girl Code starts on MTV tonight. I love trying out new trashy tv shows. I need to DVR it though. I’m exhausted. Talking smack wears me out. So does driving all day. I went to Stowe to check out some work done on one of my listings and found this…

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Yup, that deer head is smirking. I almost took it. Almost.

Berry Good Day!

I was crazy busy today, didn’t really have time to think about what’s for dinner until it was dinner time.  I had some chicken, I had some bacon, I had some herbs, and I had some kale.  That was about it.  It’s time to go to shopping…

VOILA!

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Nothing too snazzy, but it worked and it tasted good!  Then I needed something sweet.  I had some strawberries and some coconut whipped cream in my iSi whipping thingy, all I needed were some biscuits.  I looked around for some recipes but most were all almond flour and I really prefer to use coconut flour.  So I adapted…

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They were a little dry, maybe more oil next time.  But here’s the recipe for you.

Toss 1 lb sliced strawberries with 1-2 Tbsp honey, cover and refridgerate.

Mix a can of coconut milk and a Tbsp of vanilla in an whipping canister and refridgerate.  (jst keep one in the fridge at all times!)

For the biscuits combine 1 1/2 cup almond flour, 1/2 cup coconut flour, 1/2 tsp baking soda and 1 tsp cinnamon with a pinch of nutmeg in a food processor.  Slowly add 3 Tbsp coconut oil until little balls form in the dough.  

In another bowl beat 2 eggs with 3 Tbsp honey and 1 tsp vanilla extract.

Slowly add egg mixture to flour mixture.  Once combined, make little patties with your hands and place on a parchment covered baking sheet.  Bake at 350 for +/- 10 minutes until golden brown.  

*my whipped cream didn’t come out looking as lovely as the last batch, but it still tasted good!

Sugar and spice (not refined sugar you ninny, who do you think I am?)

I actually woke up before 7 on purpose today! I had to go bust down a door before a meeting at 9:30 and take some pics of my newest upcoming listing. Guess what?! It has orange shag carpeting and blue toilets. I’m psyched!!

After I got home and uploaded my photos and did some work, I Googled “Paleo sausage shrimp”, cause that’s what I need to use for dinner and I came across this Gumbo recipe on PaleoOMG and I was like OMG! 😉

And then seriously like 2 minutes later I got an email from nom nom paleo that there was a new blog up, so of course I read it and there was another mention of these Mexican Chocolate Pots de Creme, so of course I read that too. And so it was decided it was Sugar and Spice night.

I didn’t have all the ingredients for the gumbo, so I improvised, but im pleased to report that it was surprisingly easy. More so than the curry I think. And I made the dessert during the simmer times of the dinner. Oh, the gumbo called for a cup and a half of shrimps… I used a 2 lb bag of prawns. I also used that chicken sausage from Costco instead of Andouille and 1/2 lb Mckenzie Ground Sausage instead of the shredded pork. My cauliflower had turned so I skipped that. Put it in the crockpot to keep warm till dinner and went to pick up Little Dude and a friend to go to Petra Cliffs. When we got back the house smelled so amazingly rich with spices I couldn’t wait to dig in!

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Hindsight, I should have added spinach or kale for more volume. No matter, it kicked A$$!! I ate 2 bowls. The only reason I didn’t have a 3rd was dessert.

A note about the dessert, don’t leave it unattended. Mine may have boiled for a minute but it still came out wonderful. I didn’t use her whipped cream recipe though because I just got this iSi whip thing and had a can of coconut milk and a tablespoon of vanilla already chillin, so I gave that a whirl. Holy whipped coconut Batman! I’m in love. It was like a spicy chocolate mousse. I’ll be honest, when I spilled a little during the pour, I totally licked the counter.

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Curry, crunches and macaroons

Little Dude and I finished up our Crunch Challenge.  200 crunches hurts like hell today, I’ll tell you that!  But we did it and I’m down at least a pant size.  Kick a$$!

Mom and Dad are staying with us for a few days while they do some remodeling on their house, so Mom and I made up a batch of the Curry from the other day, and I remembered to take a photo this time!!  It was sooo good.

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Luckily, Mom’s got a sweet tooth like me and we decided together that we needed a sweet dessert, so we made up a batch of the Raspberry Macaroons and then we decided to dip them in chocolate.  WHAT???  Yes, yes we did.  And then we dipped some fruit cause there was leftover chocolate.  And we can’t waste that.  That’s just not ok.

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Bacon Bark. WOOF WOOF

Since I was so violently I’ll last week I just realized the the rest of the frosting from those cupcakes was in the fridge, like hardening, waiting for a new lease on life, or at least a way into my mouth. Then I remembered my awesome neighbor, Nicole, made this amazing bark a few weeks before with candied bacon, almonds and cranberries and pretzels. I had the chocolate, bacon, almonds and cranberries, so why not? I gave it a try. I melted the chocolate back down in a make shift double boiler, fried up some bacon, tossed in some almonds and dried cranberries and then added some shredded coconut too.

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There are not enough words.

Sing for your supper or read books and make your own!

I love chick lit. Love it. Almost as much as bacon. I listen to a lot of books on tape in the car as I drive about 70% of the time for my work and I get really sick of the same songs on the radio and the news is way too depressing, so I listen to chick lit and the like. Recently I was listening to a Jane Green novel that had the most amazing sounding recipes in it. I was drooling in the car. When I heard this recipe I knew it was going to be modified to Paleo style and in my mouth that night. It was and it was amazeballs.

Cauliflower and Bacon soup with truffle oil
* 2 ounces chopped bacon
* 1 cup chopped onion
* 3/4 cup chopped celery
* 3 garlic cloves, chopped
* 1 head cauliflower
* 3 1/2 cups chicken broth
* 1/2 cup coconut milk
* White or black truffle oil (for drizzling)

Sauté bacon until brown. Add onion, garlic and celery and cook until vegetables are soft – a little over five minutes. Add cauliflower and broth. Bring to boil and simmer, covered, for around 20 minutes.

Puree soup with a hand-held blender, add coconut milk. When ready to serve, ladle into bowls and drizzle with truffle oil.

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It would have been boss if I had a piece of bacon as garnish. FAIL!!

Original recipe here: http://www.janegreen.com/index.php/2010/10/cauliflower-and-parmigiano-soup-with-truffle-oil/