WARNING, this blog contains explicit language

Sometimes I impress myself. Dinner tonight was beyond faboo. But first, a little story…
I was on the phone with my BFF Kaye (a trained chef) while I was making dinner. I kept tasting the sauces I was making to accompany my coconut shrimp and she was in hysterics listening to my running commentary of what I was doing and how awesome it was. I don’t know about you, but when I’m in the zone, whether it be cooking, playing a sport or even playing Candy Crush, I get über in to it and apparently I don’t stop taking smack, even if it is only to myself. Some if the things that came out of my mouth while cooking were…
What the f*ck is that supposed to be? That’s not right.
Oh deuce bombs! That’s the tits!!
F*ck balls, I’m amazing.
This is so good I want to drink it. No, I want to take a bath in it. I don’t care if its sticky.
Bitches be nothing but hoes and tricks and this sauce is amazeballs.
Obviously, there’s something wrong with me. I apologize if this offends anyone, but not really.
At least I entertained Kaye for 20 minutes. And have no idea what amounts I put in those sauces, but one was piña colada and the other was mango. Both were the tits.
End result…

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I really need new plates. Apparently mine are all chipped.

Girl Code starts on MTV tonight. I love trying out new trashy tv shows. I need to DVR it though. I’m exhausted. Talking smack wears me out. So does driving all day. I went to Stowe to check out some work done on one of my listings and found this…

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Yup, that deer head is smirking. I almost took it. Almost.

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Mambo (Mango / Gumbo) Get it?

Mangos are hard to find in Vermont.  Especially Red Mangos.  So when I saw them on display in Hannaford today, I almost cried!!  I grabbed 2.  In hindsight, I should have gotten like 6, seeing as how I ate one whole one as soon as I got home.  My precious…

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Just looking at the picture makes me want to go eat the other one right now.  Good thing I’m going to be out near that Hannaford tomorrow morning.  Oh yeah.  Don’t tell me if there’s something wrong with my mangos.  I don’t wanna know.

I made gumbo for dinner for me and hot dogs again for Little Dude.  Except he did eat the andouille sausage out of my gumbo.  At least he left me the shrimps.  The sausage was extra spicy this batch!  And he gave me a piece of bacon.  Isn’t he sweet?

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After dinner, homework and all that jazz Dude wanted to watch Diary of a Wimpy Kid again.  Although they are funny, once is enough.  So I retreated to my office and watched some The Only Way is Essex.  If you like trashy TV like I do, you will love this one.  It’s the British version of Housewives + Snooki & Jwoww + I don’t know what.  Anyway, then I got a hankering for a milkshake.  Then my mind ran away with me.  I wanted a McDonalds Shamrock Shake.  But that’s gross.  I don’t do Golden Arches anymore.  Googled Paleo Shamrock Shake.  Yes I did.  Found and made this one.

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Dude tried it.  Said not bad.  Then he read the recipe that I left on the counter.  He grabbed his throat and claimed I tried to kill him by letting him eat avocado.  He doesn’t like avocado.  Mom Fail.  Note to self.  Hide the recipe.