It’s gooder for you…

I saw this post on Facebook a few days ago and nearly died…

bacon buttered crispy bars

I was seriously considering making them as described, but I knew that would send me into some sort of shock from the crazy deliciousness of it all.  I remember my neighbor mentioning last weekend during our campfire that we could make our own marshmallows so I googled Paleo Marshmallows and got this new blog on my bookmark list…

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and then I subbed out most of the other ingredients for this almost Paleo friendly version of this crazy delicious treat.  As I told Big Dude’s coworkers when I delivered them today to his office, “They’re gooder for you.  I healthified them.”  They laughed until they were kissing my feet at the sheer deliciousness of this crazy amazing creation.

photo-4Here’s the revised recipe:  Next time, I’ll try it with chopped nuts instead of the rice cereal to make it more Paleo.

1 lb of Bacon (or more)
2 lb of DARK chocolate (I had lots leftover, dip fruit in the remainder of the chocolate)
3 tablespoons of ghee or grass fed butter.
6 cups of marshmallows from honey recipe posted above.
6 cups of Organic Brown Rice Cereal (little/no sugar)
1 1/2 cups of softened creamy almond butter

Begin by placing the Bacon in the freezer for 15-20 minutes. Once chilled, dice the Bacon in to bit sized. Pan fry the Bacon in small handfuls over medium low flame. Once crispy golden, place the bits on a paper towel and allow them to cool.

Now cooled, toss 3/4 of the Bacon bits with 6 cups of rice cereal and 1 cup of mini marshmallows.

Using a double boiler, melt town 5 cups of mini marshmallows with 3 tablespoons of ghee/butter. Once melted, fold in 1 cup of softened almond butter. Next, pour the almond butter marshmallows over the dry ingredients. Fold gently until everything is coated evenly.

Line a 10 X 10 or 10 X 12 cake pan with parchment paper. Fill the cake pans with the mixture, then cover the top with more parchment paper. Use your hands to flatten out the top creating an even level.

Place in the refrigerator for 1 hour to set.

While that’s setting, place the Bacon bits in a large bag. Pound it out, flipping the bag over at least twice, creating an even Bacon crumble.

After the hour has elapsed, uncover and square the hardened mixture in to even pieces. Melt down 1 pound of chocolate. Dip the bottoms of each square in the melted chocolate. Space them out on a parchment paper lined cookie sheet, chocolate side down, and let them set in the refrigerator for 1 hour.

After the hour is up, melt down the other pound of chocolate. Once tempered, heavily drizzle the chocolate over each individual square. The chocolate will act as a binder for the Bacon crumble.

Take 1/2 a cup of almond butter and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. Mix, then put it on for another 30 seconds until it’s soft and smooth. Transfer to a plastic bag and cut the tip off and drizzle all over the bars.

Generously top each square with lots and lots and lots of the Bacon crumble.

Let them set outside of the refrigerator for 2 hours, or 1 hour in the refrigerator.

Best served at room temperature, they’re meltier that way.  🙂

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Thuggie Muffins

Big Dude took off for a training in RI, so it’s just me, Little Dude and the dogs for a couple days.  Little Dude hates Paleo food.  Dilemma.  What’s to eat?  Luckily I had leftover steak and sweet potato fries.  If you remember my squash post, this is a stretch for me.  But I made a honey mustard dip that was killer.  He had hot dogs.  Uncured chicken dogs, but don’t tell him that.  We hung out in our Thuggies, drank some tea and watched Diary of a Wimpy Kid Dog Days.  Those movies make me laugh.

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These banana bread muffins are amazing.  They might be Paleo, but I think if I eat 3 of them, it doesn’t equal out.  Ya know?  Oh, and I added a cup of walnuts and a cup of dark chocolate chips.  I think they’re like 76% cacao.  They’re delicious.  Baked for 24 minutes.  Especially with my morning latte.  Or afternoon tea.  Or whatever.

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I have a huge problem.  I’m reading / listening to 4 books.  And I can’t decide which one to read tonight when I go to bed.  I’ve got the smutty supernatural novel, the autobiographical curiosity killer, the light and airy chick lit, and the other one…  I can’t remember.  Must have been awhile since I grabbed that one.

Blogger Fail

Apparently I’m a giant slacker on posting this week! Nor have I been super awesome at taking photos of my foods! I have no idea what I ate all week… But here’s what I do remember…

I made this cartoon…

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I was at a meeting this week where someone had just gotten back from Bethlehem, PA where Peeps are made. You, know those nasty little marshmallow chicks and bunnies that are sold by the ton around Easter time?

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Yah, those. Well, they saw this thing where they put 2 peeps in the microwave and fashion them with little swords. Then when the nuker gets going the Peeps grow and grow and eventually one of the Peeps stabs the other one and it deflates or something. Seriously, they paid money to see this. What the deuce??

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But honestly, I almost want to go buy some of the disgusting little devils and try it out! but I can’t bring myself to do it. Yet… If I do, I promise to make a video and post it. But don’t hold your breathe. In the mean time, I’ll continue to make Peep Show jokes…

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Bow Chica Wow Wow…

Thursday night I made bacon burgers (grind up raw bacon in your food processor or meat grinder and add it to the raw burger, sauté up some mushrooms, garlic and spinach and mush that in there too, then grill) and some guacamole. Add bacon and viola!

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Had a hankering for something sweet and came across this recipe for Chocolate Coffee Caramel Bars and had all the ingredients so I gave it a shot. I jacked the caramel a little and added some maple syrup, cut out the water and halved the coconut milk to make it a little gooeyier.

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I love Juli and her blog. Her stuff is amazeballs. If I meet her one day, I might have to kiss her. These bars were like heaven in my mouth. Huge thumbs up. I ate it watching Archer. Have you seen Archer? It’s the deuce. Netflix it. Or whatever. It’s on F/X Thursdays at 10.

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This week there was a dog that looked like my Polly Pocket Puppy. And by the looks of it, acts and smells like her too. HA. Plus, Archer is hot. For a cartoon anyway.
One other thing I made this week, last night actually, was this Black Bottom Banana Cream Pie. I had a couple of bananas that needed using and was going to a friends house for a girls night and wanted to bring something for dessert. Well, really I had nothing to bring for appetizers without going to the grocery store, but whatevs. It took longer than I thought it would to make and make I messed it up somehow, because the custardy top didn’t set up right, so it was a sloppy mess, but I just topped it with my coconut whipped cream and it was fine! Better than fine. It was good!

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That’s about all I remember. I’ll try to do better this week. 😉

Seriously?

Sorry its been a couple days! My bro and his GF were here for the weekend and my parents came too making the sleepover party carry to every room!! The cool part is we had enough beds and bathrooms for everyone!! We ate Paleo all meals. I didn’t take pics because they don’t know I do this… And I didn’t want to give it away, but here’s a rundown for your pleasure…
Gumbo, lots o eggs and bacon, spaghetti squash special sauce, krabby patties, chicken curry noodle bowl, Mexican chocolate pots, creme brûlée (fail), bacon bark, liar bars, & Paleo trail mix… I think that’s it. Everyone left by noon yesterday and I was pooped and didn’t get home till almost 6 so Big Dude brought home sushi. Yeah yah, not Paleo. Didn’t care. Still don’t.
So now we’re up to today… Snow day…
Ok, for reals, I know that about 4:00 my brain shuts off. Sometimes I squeak out some extra time doing mindless tasks, but today I was behind because I spent 2 hours shoveling the driveway and maybe I spent a little too much time on Facebook creating a new Avatar so I could make cartoons about me too. Cause we know my ego needs more attention here. Soooo, maybe I forgot to back up a file I was working on and maybe I lost about an hours worth of research and work. Teach me to work past 5.

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Good thing I made that Avatar. She typed sarcastically…
And because it was a snow day for Little Dude, I didn’t get to the grocery store as planned. So dinner was a throw down. I decided to make that Paleo pizza I wanted to try with the dough of the Paleo Garlic Bread. I tripled the recipe. Had to borrow a 1/2 cup of olive oil from my neighbor! I had some bacon, ground pork and chicken andouille sausage. Put some sauce on and then the cooked up meat and put it in the oven for about 40 minutes…

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It smelled sooo good.
Totally stuck to the pizza stone, but tasted like heaven, heavy garlicky meaty heaven.

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And then my neighbor brought over dessert. Not Paleo. So we will pretend I didn’t eat it and I won’t tell you what it was or how good it tasted. Or how my tummy gurgled after. Yah, no. We can also pretend I’m not watching Snooki & JWoww right now.

Happy Pi Day!!

pie

Ok.  I killed it tonight.  Seriously.  I am amazed with myself even.  I saw on Facebook earlier today that today is Pi Day.  So of course my mind started racing to think of a Paleo Pie to make.  After searching for a while for something amazing, I just wasn’t finding anything that sounded good.  Then I remembered the Paul Newman Pecan Pie recipe that I adapted a few years ago to get rid of corn syrup in Pecan Pie and I thought there must be something that I can do to substitue for the brown sugar as well…  Dates?  He!! yah!

Pecan Pie

I kid you not.  This was as good as any pecan pie I’ve ever made before.  My BFF KK’s daughter had a piece and made all the appropriate noises.

Because I love you and trust you, I am sharing the recipe with you.  You’re welcome.

Paleo-ish Pecan Pie
 
CRUST
1/3 cup almond flour
1/3 cup coconut flour
2 T arrowroot powder
1/4 t salt
1/3 cup coconut oil
2-3 T cold water as needed
 
combine all items except water in food processor, gradually add water until balls form.  Press into pie plate.  Bake at 350 for up to 10 minutes until slightly toasty brown.  Set aside to cool and then freeze until filling is ready.
 
FILLING (part 1)

1 cup maple syrup (darker the better)

3/4 cup packed medjool dates (pulse them in a food processor until a ball forms)
1/4 cup Ghee or Grass Fed Butter
 
Blend syrup, dates, and ghee/butter in medium saucepan with a stick blender over medium heat until smooth. Increase heat and boil 1 minute. Cool to lukewarm, about 45 minutes.
 
FILLING (part 2)
3 eggs
1 t vanilla
1/4 t salt
1 1/2 cups pecan halves
 
Whisk eggs, vanilla and salt in medium bowl to blend. Gradually whisk maple syrup mixture into egg mixture. Stir in pecan halves.
 
Pour filling into crust. Bake pie at 350 until filling is slightly puffed around edges and center is set, about 55 minutes. Cool pie completely on rack, or not…  ENJOY!
I was totally going to put bacon in it too, but I forgot.  I will next time.  Promise.

Berry Good Day!

I was crazy busy today, didn’t really have time to think about what’s for dinner until it was dinner time.  I had some chicken, I had some bacon, I had some herbs, and I had some kale.  That was about it.  It’s time to go to shopping…

VOILA!

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Nothing too snazzy, but it worked and it tasted good!  Then I needed something sweet.  I had some strawberries and some coconut whipped cream in my iSi whipping thingy, all I needed were some biscuits.  I looked around for some recipes but most were all almond flour and I really prefer to use coconut flour.  So I adapted…

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They were a little dry, maybe more oil next time.  But here’s the recipe for you.

Toss 1 lb sliced strawberries with 1-2 Tbsp honey, cover and refridgerate.

Mix a can of coconut milk and a Tbsp of vanilla in an whipping canister and refridgerate.  (jst keep one in the fridge at all times!)

For the biscuits combine 1 1/2 cup almond flour, 1/2 cup coconut flour, 1/2 tsp baking soda and 1 tsp cinnamon with a pinch of nutmeg in a food processor.  Slowly add 3 Tbsp coconut oil until little balls form in the dough.  

In another bowl beat 2 eggs with 3 Tbsp honey and 1 tsp vanilla extract.

Slowly add egg mixture to flour mixture.  Once combined, make little patties with your hands and place on a parchment covered baking sheet.  Bake at 350 for +/- 10 minutes until golden brown.  

*my whipped cream didn’t come out looking as lovely as the last batch, but it still tasted good!

No Food Porn Today

Sorry kids, we ate leftovers.  No photos today.  🙂

One of my BFF’s (also going Paleo) texted me today and asked me today if dried fruit was ok to eat. People ask me all the time if something is ok, or they call me out if they see me eating something that doesn’t look Paleo. First off, I’m not an expert.  I’m a girl who’s trying something different and telling EVERYONE about it.  Second, my answer is, I’m not going for 100% Perfect Paleo. I’m shooting for 80% Paleo and better food choices all around. I eat meat, eggs, fruits and vegetables like nobody’s business. But I also make things with maple syrup, honey, coconut flour, almond flour, tapioca starch, and other things I’m sure Cavemen didn’t have around. The point is that I’m not eating crap anymore… well most of the time. I have cheats occasionally. But then I feel like sh*t. When I eat right I feel better. It’s that simple. Sometimes we don’t know we feel like sh*t until we we change what we’re doing for a little while, and then go back to the way we used to do it and then find out exactly how bad we feel.

So now, I feel better and I look better. My body comp is changing. I don’t have to dance into my jeans, even fresh out of the dryer.
I eat more food. I eat healthier food. I have fun cooking now. We’re trying new things. I never even tasted Curry before the night we made it. I never ate Gumbo before I made it last night.  Both were AMAZEBALLS! I can’t wait to make them again.

My point is, eat what you want.  Eat what feels right.  If it makes you feel icky, don’t eat it again.

Like I told my BFF earlier today, eat the shit out the some dried fruit if you want to, I do.  But if you can get the unsweetened kind, then you can eat more of it!  And put it in Bacon Bark.  YUM.  And share with me.

Side note and confession:  I went back to Sweet Clover Market today and got every flavor of the Liz Lovely Gluten Free Cookies they had there.  Triple Chocolate Mint, Snicker Doodles, Ginger Molasses, and Peanut Butter.  I am still in love with the Triple Chocolate Mint, but let me tell you a little about the Ginger Molasses.   It has chunks of candied ginger on top.  That is all.

Sugar and spice (not refined sugar you ninny, who do you think I am?)

I actually woke up before 7 on purpose today! I had to go bust down a door before a meeting at 9:30 and take some pics of my newest upcoming listing. Guess what?! It has orange shag carpeting and blue toilets. I’m psyched!!

After I got home and uploaded my photos and did some work, I Googled “Paleo sausage shrimp”, cause that’s what I need to use for dinner and I came across this Gumbo recipe on PaleoOMG and I was like OMG! 😉

And then seriously like 2 minutes later I got an email from nom nom paleo that there was a new blog up, so of course I read it and there was another mention of these Mexican Chocolate Pots de Creme, so of course I read that too. And so it was decided it was Sugar and Spice night.

I didn’t have all the ingredients for the gumbo, so I improvised, but im pleased to report that it was surprisingly easy. More so than the curry I think. And I made the dessert during the simmer times of the dinner. Oh, the gumbo called for a cup and a half of shrimps… I used a 2 lb bag of prawns. I also used that chicken sausage from Costco instead of Andouille and 1/2 lb Mckenzie Ground Sausage instead of the shredded pork. My cauliflower had turned so I skipped that. Put it in the crockpot to keep warm till dinner and went to pick up Little Dude and a friend to go to Petra Cliffs. When we got back the house smelled so amazingly rich with spices I couldn’t wait to dig in!

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Hindsight, I should have added spinach or kale for more volume. No matter, it kicked A$$!! I ate 2 bowls. The only reason I didn’t have a 3rd was dessert.

A note about the dessert, don’t leave it unattended. Mine may have boiled for a minute but it still came out wonderful. I didn’t use her whipped cream recipe though because I just got this iSi whip thing and had a can of coconut milk and a tablespoon of vanilla already chillin, so I gave that a whirl. Holy whipped coconut Batman! I’m in love. It was like a spicy chocolate mousse. I’ll be honest, when I spilled a little during the pour, I totally licked the counter.

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Mountains and Molehills

I have a new listing coming up.  I can’t tell you about it, but I’ll show you the view.  It’s CRAZY amazing.  My family is from Stowe and I’ve been going there my entire life.  But this view, THIS VIEW, is the most redonkulous view I’ve ever gotten of the mountain.  And I get to sell it.

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This is the view from the driveway and I took the photo with my phone in one hand and trail mix in the other.  So you know its way better than this.  Really.

Previously in life, one of the ways I have dealt with stress was to bake.  That may or may not have had anything to do with my crazy sweet tooth and chocolate addiction, but that’s neither here nor there…  Now that we’ve gone Paleo-esque in our dining fashion, my baking has become more of a quest for deliciously healthy(ish) substitutes for cookies, cakes, brownies, and all other sweet and wonderful things.    Today I’ve got a hankering for a cookie.  I attempted a chocolate chip cookie with almond floor on Superbowl Sunday, but failed miserably.  So today I’m looking at an Apple Banana cookie that looks interesting on the same site that I found an incredible banana bread recipe that I’ve shared with all my new found Paleo enthusiasts, and so I’m hopeful for these cookies.  My son, however has no hope for them based on the failed cookies from Sunday.