WARNING, this blog contains explicit language

Sometimes I impress myself. Dinner tonight was beyond faboo. But first, a little story…
I was on the phone with my BFF Kaye (a trained chef) while I was making dinner. I kept tasting the sauces I was making to accompany my coconut shrimp and she was in hysterics listening to my running commentary of what I was doing and how awesome it was. I don’t know about you, but when I’m in the zone, whether it be cooking, playing a sport or even playing Candy Crush, I get über in to it and apparently I don’t stop taking smack, even if it is only to myself. Some if the things that came out of my mouth while cooking were…
What the f*ck is that supposed to be? That’s not right.
Oh deuce bombs! That’s the tits!!
F*ck balls, I’m amazing.
This is so good I want to drink it. No, I want to take a bath in it. I don’t care if its sticky.
Bitches be nothing but hoes and tricks and this sauce is amazeballs.
Obviously, there’s something wrong with me. I apologize if this offends anyone, but not really.
At least I entertained Kaye for 20 minutes. And have no idea what amounts I put in those sauces, but one was piña colada and the other was mango. Both were the tits.
End result…

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I really need new plates. Apparently mine are all chipped.

Girl Code starts on MTV tonight. I love trying out new trashy tv shows. I need to DVR it though. I’m exhausted. Talking smack wears me out. So does driving all day. I went to Stowe to check out some work done on one of my listings and found this…

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Yup, that deer head is smirking. I almost took it. Almost.

I’m sorry, did you say squash?

When I was about 8 years old my mom made squash for dinner. I didn’t want to eat it, but there were starving children in Africa and I had to clean my plate if I wanted any dessert. So I choked it down. Literally. After I swallowed the last bite, I sang out, “clean plate club!!” Triumphant and ready for dessert, but my ever wise older brother said, “Not for long…” And then I vomited it all back up and onto my previously clean plate.
I really haven’t eaten squash or any other cooked orange vegetable since. So when I keep hearing about spaghetti squash on all the Paleo blogs, I figured, what’s the worst that could happen? I throw up on my plate!? Ha! Wouldn’t be the first time!! So I slathered my spaghetti squash with Ghee and put it in the oven to bake. Then I pulled out my favorite marinara, Bove’s of Vermont Basil

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, and this amazing chicken sausage I found at Costco…

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Chopped up some peppers, onions and garlic and set them to simmer while the squash did its thing.
I’m so happy to tell you I didn’t throw up! But I’m so sorry I forgot to take a photo because it smelled so good I couldn’t wait to dig into it and the my plate was a mess and I can’t post messy photos, only messy stories! Next time!